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Why We Tell Our Stories: A Journey from Silence to Empowerment

10/3/2024

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By Robert Hendricks, Founder of Cry Heard Support Inc.

As a sexual abuse survivor, I’ve encountered a dismissive phrase that many in our community find triggering: “Tell another story; stop being addicted to your story.” This statement is not just a misstep; it highlights a profound misunderstanding of what sharing our experiences truly means.

Victim vs. Survivor: Understanding the Difference

First, it’s crucial to differentiate between the terms “victim” and “survivor.” A victim is often seen as someone who suffers through no fault of their own, trapped in a narrative of hopelessness. In contrast, a survivor is someone who has faced sexual abuse, lived to tell their story, and desires to do so. The distinction is vital; we are not merely recounting our trauma—we are reclaiming our narratives.

The Power of Sharing Our Stories

Breaking the silence around abuse is one of the hardest challenges we face. Judgments, even from those who share similar experiences, can feel like additional slaps in the face. When we share our stories, we do so not from a place of victimization but from a wellspring of strength, endurance, and growth.
Our stories are declarations of survival. They are powerful affirmations that we have overcome our pasts. When we are told to stop sharing, it feels as though we are being asked to silence our victories.

Moving Beyond Shame

Many survivors carry an immense weight of shame and self-blame. When we share our experiences, we often do so to validate our own realities. Speaking out can transform those feelings into a sense of community—reminding us that we are not alone.
Sharing is not about invoking pity; it’s about connection and hope. It’s a way to educate others and dispel misinformation surrounding sexual abuse. Our stories can illuminate the path to healing, showing that life can flourish after trauma.

Celebrating Our Survivorship

As a male survivor, I am acutely aware of the societal stigma surrounding male victimization. The misconception that men cannot be victims of sexual abuse often leads to silence. For too long, I felt the need to “tough it out,” but sharing my journey has been nothing but empowering.
It’s important to note that I still carry my story with me—not as a burden, but as a testament to my resilience. Each time I speak about my experience, I am not revisiting a painful past; I am celebrating who I am today.

The Healing Process
​

The journey of healing is not linear; it’s a complex, ongoing process. Some days are harder than others, and there are parts of my story that I may never share. But the act of sharing itself is empowering. It gives me the autonomy to dictate my narrative, and it helps others to see that healing is possible.

Why We Need to Speak Up

Encouraging survivors to tell their stories is not just about personal healing; it fosters societal change. Here’s why it’s essential to empower survivors:
  1. Promoting Agency: Sharing our stories helps restore a sense of control, allowing survivors to reclaim their narratives.
  2. Validating Experiences: Articulating our stories affirms our realities and helps combat feelings of shame and guilt.
  3. Encouraging Healing: The cathartic nature of sharing can be a pivotal step in recovery.
  4. Raising Awareness: Survivor stories challenge misconceptions and educate the public about the realities of sexual assault.
  5. Building Community: Sharing fosters supportive networks that provide validation and understanding.
  6. Breaking Silence: Open conversations help dismantle stigma and create a culture of support for survivors.
  7. Tailoring Narratives: Each survivor’s journey is unique, and they should dictate how and when they share their stories.
A Call to Action

To everyone who has felt the weight of silence, remember: your story matters. You have the power to choose how to share it, and in doing so, you contribute to a larger narrative of healing and resilience.
I will continue to share my story because it empowers me, and it allows others to see that they are not alone. For every person who responds with “that was me too,” I know we are making progress.
Let’s honor our journeys, celebrate our survival, and continue to share our stories, not just for ourselves, but for those who will come after us. Each story told chips away at the stigma and paves the way for a more compassionate and understanding world.
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Lest We Forget

9/6/2021

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Today as we observe Labor Day, celebrating the social and economic achievements of American workers.

As you read this post around our world, there are millions of victims of forced labor via Human Trafficking:

>Enslavement that captures labor and sexual exploitation.
>Occurs through physical coercion and often without pay.  

As we celebrate the many contributions that free workers have made to America’s strength, prosperity, be reminded that some individuals and businesses are forcing illegal practices upon children to profit.


According to the U.S. Department of Labor (USDOL): trafficking by:
​
Global estimates from the International Labor Organization (ILO) indicate that 160 million children between 5-17 years old were engaged in child labor in 2021, of which about 79 million were in hazardous labor…” 1
 
1. Child Labor, Forced Labor & Human Trafficking | U.S. Department of Labor (dol.gov)

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Sexual Assault Awareness Month– April 2021   Post-                         Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

4/16/2021

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Empowerment is crucial for sexual assault survivors and education is a key component. This month our focus is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), which is quite common among sexual assault survivors. Our aim is to help survivors and those who support them in their recovery by gaining a greater understanding to this reaction or response to trauma.
 
According to the Mayo Clinic,  Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a mental health condition that's triggered by a terrifying event — either experiencing it or witnessing it. Symptoms may include flashbacks, nightmares and severe anxiety, as well as uncontrollable thoughts about the event.1

Read Full Article:

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) - Symptoms and causes - Mayo Clinic
 
 
 
1 Used with permission of Mayo Foundation for Medical Education and Research, all rights reserved.
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Heads Up on Healing

8/13/2020

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The trauma from being sexually assaulted can be devastating, leaving you terrified, humiliated, alone, beleaguered by night terrors, flashbacks, and other unpleasant memories. Healing from sexual assault takes time and requires some understanding.
 
 
Healing is a Continuum

  1. Healing is an unhurried and an ongoing process.
 
Healing is not forgetting

  1. During the process of healing, you will continue to experience triggers1 and reactions. Know that the occurrence is normal
  2. Healing does not mean that you will be able to erase your sexual assault experience and the emotional pain associated with it.
       >Over time, healing may mean fewer and less intense reactions >to the reminders of the sexual assault.
       >During healing, you may gain the ability to cope with memories and better navigate your emotions.
 
 
The importance of Dialogue

  1. Being able to talk about painful experiences (trauma) and memories connected to them can be extremely helpful.
  2. Timing is everything. Don't be forced or pressured to speak before ready.
  3. When ready to talk about your assault(s), you will not reap the full benefit in just one conversation.
       >It is an essential first step. The more opportunities you have to dialogue the more benefits for you.
       >Make sure that you seek out trusted, supportive individuals to talk with (close friend). 
 
When to Consider Talk Therapy

  1. When you continue to experience severe distress resulting from assault (s).
  2. The majority of survivors experience high levels of anguish during the first weeks and months following their sexual assault. By the third to the sixth month, the agony lessens for many.
If the anguish continues, causing a severe problem for you, you may want to consider Psychotherapy.
 
Strong Indicators for the need of Psychotherapy are:

  1. Always avoiding reminders of the assault (s).
  2. Thoughts of self-harm (e.g., cutting yourself), Suicidal ideation.
  3. Drinking too much, using drugs, or non-prescribed (painkillers, etc.), overuse of prescribed medication.
 
 
1 Triggers: The majority of sexual assault survivors have experienced disturbing and painful memories of their assault(s). The survivor is transported back to the original trauma event, causing the survivor to experience overwhelming emotions.                                                                                                                                   
 
 
Resources:
 
Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN)
 
1 800 656-4673 (HOPE)
 
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
 
1 800 273-8255
 
 
Donate to Cry Heard Support Inc:
 
Click Below
 
​http://www.cryheardsupport.com/about.html
​

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When Considering Sharing Your Survivor Story

12/3/2019

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​If you are contemplating sharing your Survivor story, some pre-planning needs to take place for your wellbeing.
To begin, remind yourself that it is your story. Don’t allow anyone to pressure you to share your survivor story before you are ready. Know that you don't need to share your survivor story to be involved in ending sexual violence (crimes like rape, sexual assault, sexual abuse, human trafficking).
It is helpful to have pre-planned support if you decide to share your story.
When you feel inspired to speak as a survivor of sexual violence, when, where, how, inclusive of how often is your choice (think empowerment).

Many Options Available to Share Your Story 

There are many options in communicating your story, in front of a public audience is just one.  Additional options are via written materials, and online communication (social media).  
Note, if you chose to share your story only in written form, you can do so anonymously or using an alias.
If you decide to share your survivor story via the internet, I suggest writing it out first.  Be mindful that content can't be removed entirely once online. Before you hit that send button, sit with the content for a while. Ponder how you might feel differently in the future. 

Ponder What You Want to Accomplish

Think about what you intend to accomplish in communicating your story. Choose how, when, and what details you feel comfortable expressing about your experience.  What matters the most is not what others want from you, but what has worth and importance for you.  If you aim to educate the public, it does not require sharing every detail of your experience. Consider sharing only information that can be tools for combating self-blame, helping the challenge of not being believed, or the weight of keeping the experience a secret, etc.   
Communicating your story can be empowering and therapeutic (does not replace therapy).
It will be beneficial for you to be clear and consider any concerns you might have for yourself, family, significant others, even friends once you share your survivor story. 
When sharing your story, you don't need to fake being strong or stoic. Tears do not make you weak or indicate that you are not thriving since your abuse.

Be Prepared for Responses to Your Story

Be prepared when you share your story, there is the possibility of experiencing disturbing, tactless responses from your audience (family, friends, social media, etc.).
It is difficult to adequately predict how others will respond, and some survivors have had negative experiences. 
When speaking publicly (audience), you might be asked uncomfortable questions. Stay clear of triggers (that which provoke memories or feelings connected to trauma). You are in control of the details you want to share about your story.  Only answer questions you are comfortable answering at that time.
Some individuals in your audience may be triggered by your experience, so it is best before sharing your account to communicate to individuals that might be triggered, that if they feel the need to leave the room it is ok. 

A Word of Caution

If you are engaged in a criminal or other formal proceeding, related to your sexual violence experience, it would be wise to seek legal counsel about the possible effects of publicly sharing your experience.  Legal consultation will help you steer clear of legal implications when sharing specific details of your experience. 
Finally, keep in mind that social attitudes, while shifting and improving, still often unfairly blame survivors (female and male) and excuse offenders. Don’t allow that to silence your voice, as you transcend from surviving to thriving. 

We Want to Hear Your Story

If you survived sexual violence, we invite you to share your story anonymously (if desired)  
Further, by sharing your story it is not only empowering but helps to educate others to take measures to prevent and combat Sexual violence. 

Share Your Story by Emailing: [email protected]
Robert Hendricks, Founder of Cry Heard Support Inc
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April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month

4/1/2019

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While sexual violence is prevalent, it is also preventable. We all can make a contribution in prevention sexual violence.

Prevention of sexual violence comes through education and dialogue. Our ultimate goal is to take the education and discussion and place it into action.

Join us for the Ask Conference on April 13, 2019 at 10:00 a.m. See flyer for further details.
​

Please call 323 778-2309 or Email [email protected] for attendance confirmation. 
​
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Walk Towards the Cry 5K Run/Walk

9/15/2017

3 Comments

 
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​Greetings,

 Every 98 seconds another person experiences sexual assault. While Human Trafficking is not a clone of sexual assault, they link in many ways as in both cases; victims are subjected to sexual exploitation or forced prostitution.    

 Cry Heard Inc. is a non-profit organization (receives all monies only by tax deductible donations) works towards breaking the silence of sexual assault, human trafficking, and pornography addiction, through publications, public awareness campaigns, and special events.

 Cry Heard Support Inc., Board members, volunteers, and many others laced up our running shoes to participate in the Cry Heard Support Inc., first annual “Walk towards the Cry 5K Run/Walk”.
The event was held on June 24, 2017, at El Dorado Park in Long Beach, California. The goal was to raise funds to increase awareness and prevention of Sexual Assault and Human Trafficking while supporting those victimized individuals help hostage for exploitation (those individuals can be as young as 12 years old).

 It was a beautiful day and to be our first 5 K run/walk event; it was a wonderfully successful event.  With close to 100 runners and walkers we are looking to triple that amount next year. 
 On behalf of our Board of Directors; we want to extend our heartfelt gratitude to all our participants (Runners, walkers).
Trina Johnson, thank you for your vital assistance with our advertisement development.  
To all our Volunteers, Whitney Key Club Volunteers, Teen Reach, you touched our hearts.

Allison Hampton, your singing of the National Anthem, was spectacular during our pre-race program!
We would further like to thank the following organization:
·       Dr. Rhonda Hampton, of Reach for Mental Health
·       Kim Lynch-Howard, Rise Up from Adversities Inc. Thank you so much.
·       Vanessa Robinson, YWCA.

The Fundraising event to help us combat Sexual Assault and Human Trafficking would not have been the success that it was without the financial partnership and sponsorship of:

 ·       Geoffrey’s Restaurant/Malibu
·       Young Connection Printing
·       Thompson Trophies
·       L.A. Focus  

 Congratulations to:

Blake Wilderman, First Place Runner
Elaine McLeod, First Place Walker

With our plans to continue with our 5K Run/Walk and other events. 
We look forward to your participation or your tax dollar donations.
 For future events visit: Cryheardsupport.com

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What Is Sexual Assault?

4/26/2017

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 Sexual assault is any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the explicit consent of the recipient. Falling under the definition of sexual assault are sexual activities such as, forced sexual intercourse, forcible sodomy, child molestation, incest, fondling, and attempted rape. 1

Note, The Department of Justice in 2012, formally expanded the definition of rape to include men as victims. 2

According to RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network), Every 98 seconds, another person experiences sexual assault. 3
What Should You Do If Sexually Assaulted?  
(Notes from RAINN)

·         Find a safe environment-anywhere away from the attacker.  Ask a friend to stay with you for moral support.
·         Preserve evidence of the attack, don't bathe or brush your teeth.  Write down all the details you can recall about the attack and attacker.
·         Get medical attention.  Even with no physical injuries, it is important to determine the risk of STDs (Sexually Transmitted Diseases) and/or pregnancy.
·         To preserve forensic evidence, ask the hospital to conduct a forensic exam (sometimes known as a “rape kit”-
https://www.rainn.org/articles/rape-kit).
·         If you suspect that you may have been drugged, ask for the collection of a urine sample.  The sample will need to be analyzed later in a forensic lab.
·         Report the sexual assault to law enforcement authorities.      A counselor can provide information that you will need to understand the process.
·         Know or remember that it was not your fault.  Recognize that healing from sexual assault takes time. 
·         Give yourself the time required, and know that it is never too late to call for help, even if the attack happened years ago.  Many victims do not realize they need help until months or years later.   


Resources:

National Sexual Assault Hotline-operated by RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network)
1-800-656-HOPE (4673)

National Sexual Violence Resource Center (NSVRC)
1-877-739-3895

YWCA 24-Hour Sexual Assault Crisis Line (Greater Los Angeles Calif.)
1-877-Y-HELPS-U (877-943-5778)


References:

1 The United State Department of Justice

https://www.justice.gov/ovw/sexual-assault

 2 https://www.justice.gov/archives/opa/blog/updated-definition-rape

3 RAINN https://www.rainn.org

​

Non-Profit Cry Heard Support Incorporation
​

Come join Cry Heard Support Inc., Board members, volunteers, and many others as we lace up our running shoes to participate in the Cry Heard Support Inc., “Walk Towards the Cry 5K Run/Walk”.

The event is scheduled for June 24, 2017, and is an effort to raise funds to increase awareness and prevention of Sexual Assault and Human Trafficking, or "modern-day slavery."


 Walk Towards The Cry 5K Run/Walk

8:00 a.m.


El Dorado Park East Regional Park
7550 E. Spring Street
Long Beach, CA  90815


Register Now


http://www.active.com/long-beach-ca/running/distance-running-races/walk-towards-the-cry-5k-run-walk-2017
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Take My Run Away?

4/21/2017

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                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               Robert Hendricks


 The 26.2 miles runs grew on me as I looked forward to training for them throughout the year. That meant getting up at crazy hours of the morning to get training runs in.    

 Rain or shine, I was out on the street or beach running while normal people were sleeping. I had made changes to my diet to get “mean and lean.”    I remember my sister-in-law, who had not seen me for a while, saying to me, “You look like you have AIDS,” because I had lost so much weight in training.      

 Besides the endorphins high and the desire to feel fit, why had I taken up running marathons? I was a sprinter in my early years, why did I turn to distance running?           
                                                        

I ran because I could run; yes, I could run long and hard to escape, even for a moment, life's tensions. It was linked to accomplishments and running out the unfinished business of my childhood trauma.

I could not run then, but now I had enough endurance to run my personal best, to see the trees, to see the sky, to see the ocean, to remind myself that building endurance was a process.    

I recalled when I first started training I could not run a half a block without being out of breath. I kept at it with determination, and before long it got easier and easier–half a mile turned into a mile, a mile turned into two.


Praise God for using my participation in marathons as a   reminder of the miles I had already completed in my life journey: the experience of an alcoholic father, the death of my oldest brother, the shame of being sexually molested, the two near death encounters…”1                                                                                

Child Sexual Abuse Statistics

Studies by David Finkelhor, Director of the Crimes Against Children Research Center, show that


·  1 in 5 girls and 1 in 20 boys is a victim of child sexual abuse;

·   Self-report studies show that 20% of adult females and 5-10% of adult males recall a
    childhood sexual assault or sexual abuse incident;

·   During a one-year period in the U.S., 16% of youth ages 14 to 17 had been sexually  
     victimized;

·   Over the course of their lifetime, 28% of U.S. youth ages 14 to 17 had been sexually
    victimized;
·   Children are most vulnerable to CSA between the ages of 7 and 13.


Bureau of Justice Statistics report

A child who is the victim of prolonged sexual abuse usually develops low self-esteem, a feeling of worthlessness and an abnormal or distorted view of sex. The child may become withdrawn and mistrustful of adults, and can become suicidal (page 1)
Children who do not live with both parents as well as children living in homes marked by parental discord, divorce, or domestic violence, have a higher risk of being sexually abused (page 171).

In the vast majority of cases where there is credible evidence that a child has been penetrated, only between 5 and 15% of those children will have genital injuries consistent with sexual abuse (page 2).

Child sexual abuse is not solely restricted to physical contact; such abuse could include noncontact abuse, such as exposure, voyeurism, and child pornography (page 1). 2


Robert Hendricks, former marathon runner, sexual assault survivor, and now Founder of Cry Heard Support Inc., Board members, volunteers,  will lace up their running shoes to participate with many others in  the Cry Heard Support Inc., Walk Towards the Cry 5K Run/Walk. The event is scheduled for June 24, 2017, and is an effort to raise funds to increase awareness and prevention of Sexual Assault and Human Trafficking, or "modern-day slavery."

 
Walk Towards The Cry 5K Run/Walk

8:00 a.m.
El Dorado Park East Regional Park
7550 E. Spring Street
Long Beach, CA  90815


Register Now

http://www.active.com/long-beach-ca/running/distance-running-races/walk-towards-the-cry-5k-run-walk-2017


Reference
 
1.   Pastor Hendricks, Robert.  From a Cry to a Shout.  Tarentum, Pennsylvania: Word Association Publisher, 2006
2.   
http://victimsofcrime.org/media/reporting-on-child-sexual-abuse/child-sexual-abuse-statistics


​
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"Going To Town"

4/6/2017

1 Comment

 
​                                                     Sexual Assault Awareness Month 
 
 
 While Human Trafficking is not a clone of sexual assault, they link in many ways, as victims are subjected to sexual exploitation or forced prostitution.    
 
 Excerpts from the book, From a Cry to a Shout, by Pastor Robert Hendricks
                                     
        
                                                                                         (Mexicali)
 
  
… My father and other campers, along with Ramón, during most fishing trips traveled together to what they identified as “going to town.” I was never allowed
to make these excursions. Some of the campers would return to the campsite drunk, while my father would return sober, although he seemed very happy…I thought about the time a group of campers returned from “town” with a young Mexican lady (could have been underage) they had brought back to the campsite. My father had not made the trip with them this time. I was in our trailer relaxing, and my father was stirring around the campsite when they arrived. I heard one of the campers call out to my dad, "Willie, don't you want to get in on this?" He would further make my father aware that one of the campers was having his way with this young lady as they spoke. I assumed she was a prostitute. By now I was hearing the chatter very well, and young Mr. Inquisitive decided he would look out the window to see what all the fuss was about. Just as I peeped out of the window of the trailer, this young lady emerged in the camper door topless, baring her breasts. To the best of my knowledge, my father did not participate, but he was certainly hanging around with the wrong company. 1  
While boys are not exempted, girls ranging from the age of 12-14, face the highest risk of being forced into sexual trafficking. Once in this modern-day slavery most of these children endure additional trauma as they have already been victims of physical or sexual abuse, and homelessness (sometimes because of being a runaway). And we now know that some children being bought and sold for sex in our nation are foster care children.  These circumstances make these children ripe for traffickers as they prey on children that hold the greatest vulnerability.
 
 
  Walk Towards The Cry 5K Run/Walk
·        Saturday, June 24, 2017
·        El Dorado Park East Regional Park • 7550 E. Spring Street Long Beach, CA  90815
·        8:00 a.m.
 
Cry Heard Inc. is a non-profit organization which helps through:"Breaking the silence of sexual assault, human trafficking, and pornography addiction, through publishing, and public awareness campaigns."
This event is a fundraiser to increase awareness and prevention of Human Trafficking or “Modern-Day-Slavery” and Sexual Assault. 
​

Please register and walk or run in support of this cause.  
 
Register Now
https://endurancecui.active.com/event-reg/select-race?e=42895953&regnow=awe-regnow
 
     Reference
1.   Pastor Hendricks, Robert.  From a Cry to a Shout.  Tarentum, Pennsylvania: Word Association Publisher, 2006
 
  
 
 

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